Emotions in Relationship: Broken Trust
Trust can build over time, but trust can be broken in an instant. In a relationship, when someone lies and/or acts in a way that disrespects the agreements made to their partner, trust is broken. One incident may not fully break the trust, but the trust is damaged. If incidents continue, trust will continue to erode.
Trust can be rebuilt, but it requires time and also commitment from both parties. The person who broke the trust now needs to earn it back, and their partner needs to be willing to participate in that rebuilding and open to the possibility of trusting again. This process usually happens slowly over time.
The person who broke trust needs to commit to being honest and keep the relationship agreements, then make specific efforts to show that they are doing this. Exactly what is needed can be talked about and decided together. It might include increased checking in, proof of ending behavior that broke the trust in the first place, and extra time and care to the relationship being rebuilt. Usually both the behavior and the quality or tone of the communication needs to change.
The partner may need to talk about what happened to some degree, receive an apology perhaps, but, at some point, they will need to forgive and put the incident behind them so that trust can again increase. They need to clarify and respectfully communicate what is needed to put it behind them. It will likely feel scary to open again; fear is normal as are questions. The continued question is what do you need to rebuild the trust? It is important to appreciate and welcome genuine attempts by the other person to prove themselves again.
Working with couples over the years, I have seen relationships grow stronger after trust is broken. When someone can sincerely change and earn the trust again, and the other person can let it in, trust, and the relationship, can build over time. The honesty and communication required to do this can make the relationship stronger, communication clearer, and the commitment more resilient. It isn’t easy. Intimate relationships are not easy. Both people have to decide it is worth it.
Let’s walk through this together in the audio.
